Journal Entry 68
Matt goes to school ! Unbelievable but it is so happening now. Bleh !
My initial thoughts on schooling was like - 'Well, let us wait till he is 4, we will then make the call.' Unfortunately, at times ~ circumstances dictates that certain actions has to be taken.
Mum was diagnosed with high blood pressure 3 weeks back and had been on medication since. My initial reaction was 'Guess what, mum and dad can't take care of 2 rascals at home'. Either I quit or someone has to go to school. Decisions ! Decisions ! The dreaded decision of sending Matt to school at the mere age of 2 keeps haunting me. At the end, I just did it ! It was a fast, quick decision that was made without much hesitation and thinking (& it was so not me !)
Matt's nursery
Thanks to my sis-in-law, I managed to get him enrolled at a nearby nursery near my place. QY was also on full day care at that place, so my thoughts on this were 'Hey, big sis is around, so if anything were to take place, at least the sister can keep an eye on him.' Without much thinking, I enrolled Matt on the 19th of Jan and guess what - full swing on full day care. Days of him adapting to daycare did not crossed my mind as my aim was only to ensure that Matt is being taken care of while I go to work.
Tingkat Kenari- Desaria - The front view - Plain & not painted also
Day 1 - Took a day off. Sent Matt to school. Mixed feeling of the unknown. Sights of him crying made my heart felt weak yet I know I need to leave him there. His eyes look at me innocently and I looked back smilling at him. This is my 1st time leaving him with a stranger, with the unknown and unpredictable. No one will be there to be with him...Gosh - it was such a harshful thing to do yet I need to do it.
Arrived at the centre and passed him to the daycare teacher. I quickly dashed to the door and sounds of him shouting & crying overwhelmed me. I hesitated, wanting to go back, but I know that if I ever made that move, he will never adapt to the new environment. I LET GO ! I HAD TO ! Drove straight back home and called the teacher. It was a sign of relief when I heard that he was doing okay and had stopped crying. Followed up with the teacher and was told he was adapting well which was good.
Took him back that day and seeing that he was happily playing with his new found friends at the centre made me feel better. Moments of happiness !
This is where Matt plays with his friends - his padang
Day 2 - Took half day off. Woke up at 7.45am and saw Matt still half asleep. Decided not to disturb him and I got myself ready for the day. Matt had woke up since and I sponged him with some hot water. He was still a bit blur and my mum called. Took the phone and spoke to my mum while I sponged him. Matt cried as he can't find his pacifier and on the other line, mum cried. I asked what happened and she said' I missed him and for him to go to school at such a tender age of 21 months makes her heart melt.'
Gosh, here I was with a crying baby and now the big momma is crying too. She pitied me too as she knows I have to rush to get the little fella to school. I told mum - I am a strong girl so is Matt and Alex. We will pull thru this with faith and courage. Assured mum that I will do fine and she stopped crying.
All done, fetched Matt to school. This time, all the kids were already there playing and I left him there. However, as soon as I left, he came running for me again and my heart fell into pieces. He is like a prisoner behind bars (door which look like a bar to me), dragging his feet to the main door after knocking his head while he was trying to get me. Again, I was cruel to leave him there. No one visited and no one was there during his time there as this will only make matter worse.
The days went by and weekends arrived. According to the kindy teacher, he is adapting pretty well there and had not made so much noise compared to when he was with my dad. Of course, during all this saga, I am happy that I have such a supportive hubby who had standby me all this while and helped me with Matt. No doubt, we are struggling especially in the morning (with both of us working early), I believe that both of us can do it, just a matter of proper planning and juggling with the time we have.
It is like war in the morning but all of it is worth it when you see BB Matt smilling. We brought him to this world, so to care, guide and support him is what we are obligated to do. At times, we may let go so that he can learn that life is not easy after all; yet at the same time, we shall never deny him of any support he may need in his progress of him becoming a responsible and mature person as he grows.
That's about it. He! He ! I am now trying to get more photos of the centre with Matt playing & studying inside. Can't take much as when I wanted to take, Matt had already clinged to me. At least, this entry will serve some good memories of him being such a strong and 'independent little boy' at a tender age of 21 months.
